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Matchmaking Joel Embiid With His Future Wife

Bret Stuter
Bret Stuter

The Sixer Sense

Apr 5, 2016; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia 76ers center Joel Embiid (21) reacts to an officials call during the second half against the New Orleans Pelicans at Wells Fargo Center. The Philadelphia 76ers won 107-93. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Apr 5, 2016; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia 76ers center Joel Embiid (21) reacts to an officials call during the second half against the New Orleans Pelicans at Wells Fargo Center. The Philadelphia 76ers won 107-93. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports
Apr 5, 2016; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia 76ers center Joel Embiid (21) reacts to an officials call during the second half against the New Orleans Pelicans at Wells Fargo Center. The Philadelphia 76ers won 107-93. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Joel Embiid needs to focus on Basketball, so let’s help the young man’s social life by matchmaking for him

It’s Okay, this is not a typical basketball article .

Enough with the ferocity of the NBA, the fever pitch of the NBA draft, and even the fearlessness of the upcoming season.

Ladies, we have a bachelor on the roster of the Philadelphia 76ers who is loved by the entire fanbase, and is a prospect whose name will appear on the marquis of the NBA Championship game some day, perhaps for many years to come.

That young man is 7’2″ Joel Embiid.  He plays NBA basketball for the Philadelphia 76ers, and he’s about to enter beast mode.

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The problem is that his focus right now is basketball, getting healthy.   That’s a problem, as he’s 22 now, and rather well off financially, which places his awareness of beautiful ladies at a premium and his attractiveness to women at its apex as well.

But some things are best left NOT to chance.  You see, we are working on building an NBA championship team right now, and so we need some one to sit court side, shout out encouraging words, and be the lady that the Lion Killer From Cameroon truly deserves.

To do so, it’s time to do what we do best – research.  Polling the hollywood gossip pages, the music charts, sports pages for eligible professional athletes, and even the social pages to glean the names of notable Philadelphia debutantes.

Next: Rihanna

Jun 4, 2015; Oakland, CA, USA; Hip hop artist Rihanna on the sidelines in game one of the NBA Finals between the Golden State Warriors and the Cleveland Cavaliers at Oracle Arena. Mandatory Credit: Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports
Jun 4, 2015; Oakland, CA, USA; Hip hop artist Rihanna on the sidelines in game one of the NBA Finals between the Golden State Warriors and the Cleveland Cavaliers at Oracle Arena. Mandatory Credit: Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

I Rihanna

She is the lady who shows up occasionally associated with Philadelphia sports figures and has definite caught the eye of our young NBA star.  Some background  facts, Rihanna was born Robyn Rihanna Fenty on the 20th February, 1988. T hat makes her a Pisces, which is the same zodiac sign as Joel Embiid. She has been the cultural ambassador for Barbados ever since she burst into the limelight in 2005 with the her debut album, Music of the Sun.   She is lovely and quite entertaining, and she’s caught the eye of Joel Embiid.

Sadly, the Philadelphia 76ers had to pull the plug on this budding romance as the path of Joel Embiid required a two year devotion to becoming healthy enough to set foot on an NBA basketball court.  But that two year sabbatical is over now, and the young Cameroon is about to realize his NBA destiny.  So what has Rihanna been doing to spend time until Joel Embiid can actively woo her?  She’s been wowing audiences with her singing, of course.

And so, it’s time to remove the barriers for true love and see if it will take it’s natural course.  But what of the stars?  This is a pairing of two Pisces.  This particular pair will be very compatible, as their private moments will be magical and romantic.

However, reality will always be tugging at them, pulling them in different directions.  Joel Embiid will need to focus on basketball, and Rihanna will need to focus on her music.  That will eventually break this relationship, and his heart, apart.

We don’t want that.  Who else do we have?

Next: Jennifer Lawrence

Feb 28, 2016; Hollywood, CA, USA; Jennifer Lawrence arrives on the red carpet during the 88th annual Academy Awards at the Dolby Theater. Mandatory Credit: Dan MacMedan-USA TODAY NETWORK
Feb 28, 2016; Hollywood, CA, USA; Jennifer Lawrence arrives on the red carpet during the 88th annual Academy Awards at the Dolby Theater. Mandatory Credit: Dan MacMedan-USA TODAY NETWORK

II Jennifer Lawrence

Jennifer Lawrence has won over the city of Philadelphia ever since her starring role opposite Philadelphia’s favorite fan Bradley Cooper in Silver Lining Playbook. The movie was about the magic of romance and how it had the magical effect of their being together brought the Philadelphia Eagles and Phillies victories.

She did her research.  And so, we would like to expand her research into the possibilities of placing her lucky charm grace and effect into the bleachers of the Philadelphia 76ers home games.

Lawrence is a lovable outgoing Hollywood personality, and it’s only a matter of time before she takes a courtside perch with fellow Hollywood owners Will and Jada Pinkett Smith (who are NOT the majority owners folks!).

From there, she will have the opportunity to see first hand what all the Philadelphian fuss is about, as Joel Embiid will be making highlight film footage.   As far as the NBA  and Hollywood, this one is a no brainer.  Gosssip Columnists will feast on the pairing.  And with Jennifer Lawrence’s recent X-Men film hitting the theaters, this would be a great occasion to let their courtship his the headlines.

But we are not after headlines, we are after the support that Joel Embiid needs going forward.  The stars align slightly better for this pairing, as Embiid’s Pisces will be matched with Lawrence’s Leo.   He is more private, she is more center stage.  That is not the problem however.

His demeanor is subtle and respectful, and her persona is more direct and … pushy.  While they will have plenty of chemistry , the novelty will wear off and once more her career will become the primary focus of the very successful actress.

That’s not quite what we had in mind.   Let’s keep looking.

Next: Serena Williams

May 28, 2016; Paris, France; Serena Williams (USA) reacts during her match against Kristina Mladenovic (FRA) on day seven of the 2016 French Open. Mandatory Credit: Susan Mullane-USA TODAY Sports
May 28, 2016; Paris, France; Serena Williams (USA) reacts during her match against Kristina Mladenovic (FRA) on day seven of the 2016 French Open. Mandatory Credit: Susan Mullane-USA TODAY Sports

III Serena Williams

One of the loveliest sports celebrities today, Serena William is a smile that seems to bring warmth to the soul to whomever sees it.  But beauty and athleticism aside, we need someone who is emotionally available.

Okay, that seems to check the box. But is this just a fling stage for Serena, or can she truly be content to pair up with our noble knight of the basketball court?

Well that seems to be two blocks checked off. Beauty? Check. Athletic? Check.

Well now for the ultimate litmus test.  What do the stars have to say about this pairing?  Well, Jo Jo is Pisces, and Serena is Libra.  He will seek reassurance from her, and she will have more than enough confidence for the both of them.  But Serena is not egotistical by any means.  She is simply that quiet confidence who will exude strength in her man.  She is very supportive by nature, striking up a very admirable public support of Maria Shaparova recently. That is very classy, and very much what we are seeking for Mr. Embiid.

But what will she get in return?  The noble Cameroon will shower her with romance, striking the very romantic and feminine side that few ever see, let alone connect with.  That will disarm her, and draw her very close to him.

Hmm… this looks very positive.  Now don’t let me dissuade any single women from giving reasons why you think you are in the running to be considered for the first lady of the Cameroon Lion Killer.  We should also give an honorable mention to Eve (hip hop artist and actress from Philadelphia), Amber Rose (a philadelphia native) and Cameron Diaz (who is both enchanting and a sports aficionado) .

Next: Being Careful About Philadelphia 76ers Rumors

Okay.  Now the rest is up to Serena Williams and Joel Embiid.  We here at the Sixer Sense have done all the heavy lifting.  Now this couple simply needs to make it happen.

Bret Stuter

Bret Stuter

Bret Stuter is the site expert for Ramblin Fan who has covered the Los Angeles Rams for 5 years. Swept up into loving professional sports from a family that listened to games on the radio, he is at home cheering for HC Sean McVay and the Rams. Articles have been featured on B/R, Fox Sports, CBS Sports, Sporting News, and Washington Post. Bret loves to fish, and watch games at sports bars over pizza.