The Sixer Sense
Fansided

The Sixers compete for LeBron James on The Bachelor

By Dan Volpone

CLEVELAND, OH - MARCH 1: Ben Simmons #25 of the Philadelphia 76ers and LeBron James #23 of the Cleveland Cavaliers smile and talk during the game on March 1, 2018 at Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, Ohio. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2018 NBAE (Photo by David Liam Kyle/NBAE via Getty Images)
CLEVELAND, OH - MARCH 1: Ben Simmons #25 of the Philadelphia 76ers and LeBron James #23 of the Cleveland Cavaliers smile and talk during the game on March 1, 2018 at Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, Ohio. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2018 NBAE (Photo by David Liam Kyle/NBAE via Getty Images) /
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OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – FEBRUARY 13: LeBron James #23 of the Cleveland Cavaliers and Carmelo Anthony #7 of the Oklahoma City Thunder hug after the game on February 13, 2018 at Chesapeake Energy Arena in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2018 NBAE (Photo by Layne Murdoch/NBAE via Getty Images)
OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – FEBRUARY 13: LeBron James #23 of the Cleveland Cavaliers and Carmelo Anthony #7 of the Oklahoma City Thunder hug after the game on February 13, 2018 at Chesapeake Energy Arena in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2018 NBAE (Photo by Layne Murdoch/NBAE via Getty Images) /

Week 2

The first date card is in: the Sixers have been selected for the first one-on-one date. Lebron takes the team bowling, and luckily no one comes down with a knee injury. After a great day, Lebron gives the Sixers a rose, guaranteeing they advance to week three.

The next date card is for another one-on-one: this time with Utah. Lebron takes the Jazz shopping, where they pick out some new alternate uniforms. We want that one, says Donovan Mitchell, the one that looks like that thing you look at when you decide which color to paint your house.

Rudy Gobert tells LeBron about Utah’s history with polygamy. Lebron thinks about it and decides he could never play for two different teams at the same time. He doesn’t give Utah a rose, and they’re eliminated.

The next date card is for a group date; half of the remaining teams will compete in a banana boat race.

Carmelo Anthony feels he has a lot to prove after being left out of the original banana boat picture of LeBron, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Paul, despite being on vacation with them. With a chip on his shoulder, Carmelo leads Oklahoma City to a victory in the race, and LeBron rewards them with the group date rose.

The final date card is for another group date comprised of all teams that have not had a date yet; these teams will compete to film the best Nike Training Day commercial, graded on plot, teamwork, and number of random children involved.

Somehow, the Raptors end up winning the competition, even though their commercial was just the Hotline Bling music video. Despite Toronto winning, LeBron gives the group date rose to the Heat, who just used LeBron’s original training day commercial already filmed in Miami.

During the cocktail party, tension builds between the Wizards and the other teams, as literally no one in the entire NBA likes Jason Smith.

At the rose ceremony, Lebron sends home Charlotte, Denver, and Detroit. When Charlotte asks Lebron why he didn’t give them a chance, Lebron says I’ll never pass MJ in rings if he gets one every time I get one.

Remaining teams: Boston, Cleveland, Golden State, Houston, Indiana, LA Clippers, LA Lakers, Miami, Milwaukee, Minnesota, New Orleans, New York, Oklahoma City, Philadelphia, Portland, San Antonio, Toronto, Washington