Joel Embiid should donate his fine money to these places (Satire)

After saying some controversial statements about LaVar Ball, Joel Embiid must pay a fine. Here are a few charities the Philadelphia 76ers center can donate to.

When I first heard that Joel Embiid had been fined $10,000 for saying ‘bleep LaVar Ball,’ I thought it was a joke. After begging Rihanna to go out with him and tweeting other gems, I assumed that it was only a joke fine. However, like the Knicks’ chances of doing something dumb in the offseason (Hello, Tim Hardaway Jr.), this is very real.

Philadelphia 76ers /

Philadelphia 76ers

Recently, The Process has contacted me and asked me about what charities should he donate to because the NBA donates fine money to many good charities. He also asked me if there are any other people he should say bleep (Insert person name) to. Today we are going to look at both and help out the Philadelphia 76ers‘ star.

Charity #1: The New York Knicks

Let’s start off with the easy top choice, the New York Knicks. This is a franchise that has not won the NBA finals since the US was still involved in South Vietnam.

The Knicks obviously need all the help they can get. Their owner gives his band CDs to free agents and tells longtime fans to go to the Nets when they criticize him. They just signed Tim Hardaway Jr to a four year, $72 million dollar deal when the role player’s value was estimated to be around $40 million. Their stars have wanted out since the minute they stepped foot in the garden.
This is a team that is run worse than Enron. It amazes me how they can make a profit or have made the playoffs in the last 10 years.

Although the Knicks are in New York and in the Atlantic, they still need our help. Millions of Knick fans lack bricks to throw at their TV when they see their owner doing stuff like this.

Or when their teams trade first round picks for players whose Knicks highlights are getting embarrassed in many different ways.

And this.

This is a franchise whose fans needs all the love and support they can have. Help them, Joel.

Charity #2: Kevin Love

Kevin feels very lonely at times, especially when the Cavs struggled to find an offseason trade partner that wanted him. Everyone’s always saying how Kevin can’t defend in the post, that he can’t be the best player on a contender, and that he can’t play crunch time.

If Embiid were to donate the $10,000 to this organization, Kevin Love could find someone who for a few hours a week can find someone who can play XBox, eat pizza, and help him with his homework. The former UCLA star needs a good friend and Embiid can show him what it means to Trust the Friendship with a donation here.

Charity #3: The make a 30 for 30 about the Josh Smith eating breakfast video from 2009

I have no explanation, but on weekend nights around 2 AM, I will always watch this video if I’m up. I have no idea why.

I don’t know why it’s the first favorited video in my favorites, but I always watch it. It’s just such a weird video for the NBA to put up and I hope they make a documentary out of it. Maybe go into detail how switching to Turkey Bacon hurt Smith in Detroit. Maybe talk about how switching to wheat toast before Game 6 of the Western Conference Semifinals against the Clippers gave Smith the ability to shoot 3’s.

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I just want it to happen. I’d go broke watching it, so make it Joel. Or actually, don’t — I can’t go broke.

Charity #4: Let’s film everything the Sacramento Kings do for a month and make it into a documentary.

From the organization that brought you this.

And tried to bring back Vanilla Ice.

Comes a new documentary on what it’s like to work for one of the worst professional sports franchises. Watch this team let All-Stars walk, clear cap space to sign Rajon Rondo for a year, and compare their recent draft picks to once in a generation talent.

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For a one time payment of $10,000, this documentary will happen and show the average fan that yeah you could do it also.

Please Joel, please fund this.

Who should Joel Embiid next have beefs with

Well if Joel donates to one of the five charities, he should be good with me. Here’s a list of 50 people Joel should have beefs with next. I hope they are equally as good as his beef with LaVar.

Lonzo Ball

LiAngelo Ball

LaMalo Ball

Carmelo Anthony

James Dolan

Tim Hardaway Jr

The Brooklyn Unprotected 2018 First

Any future Celtics pick

Jahlil Okafor

Avery Bradley

Stan Van Gundy

Jeff Van Gundy

Stephen A. Smith

Shannon Sharpe

Vlade Divac

Doug Christie

Jason Kidd (mainly for bleaching his hair)

Billy King

GarPax

Lauri Markkanen

Chick Fil A for closing on Sundays

Chick Fil A’s Avocado Lime Ranch Dressing

The restaurant Denny’s

Isiah Thomas

JD and the Straight Shot

Everyone involved with Suicide Squad

DeMarcus Cousins

Anthony Davis

Kevin Durant

Draymond Green

Zaza Pachulia

Steph Curry

Ian Clark

The “smart” guy from the bar that Matt Damon goes “how bout them apples” to

Howard Eskin

Ben Simmons’s sister

Jahlil Okafor’s dad

Kendall Marshall’s dad

K.J. McDaniels

Chris Paul

Cliff Paul

James Harden

Brad Stevens (but only when he’s talking about positionless basketball)

Every sports writer who calls Al Horford underrated

The State of New Jersey

Anyone that has beef with Rihanna

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Drake

The Atlanta Hawks’ Twitter Account

Ed Rooney, the Principal from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Where Joel Embiid should donate his fine money (Satire)

By Matt Litzenberg | Jul 12, 2017